I have Lyme. I’d like to not have it anymore. I also just want cake.
So, back to my treatment. Sometimes I like to talk about myself and sometimes I don’t. But then again, most of my posts end up being about me anyways. But I justify it by reminding myself that, after all, this IS my digital journal. I DID start this to one day turn into a book I will give to my future children. “See my sweet darlings, mama doesn’t care you don’t like the taste of brocolli, LOOK AT WHAT SHE HAD TO GO THROUGH”. Kidding. Sorta. Anyways, all of you other guys that follow and read whatever ramblings I post are just along for the ride. But back to my opening – treatment and talking about myself. I’m going to combine the two today and give an update on my last treatment cycle. Cycle 14. Can you believe it? Probably, you are too far removed from my life. But I can’t believe it. Cycle 14 happened in tandem (though one year apart) from Cycle 1.
What a year.
I’m planning a year in review post shortly. So much to express. But not now. Cycle 14 was 12 days of an oral antibiotic and anti-parasitic/protozoal cocktail that I downed morning and night. I just finished it on Thursday. I gotta tell you, if you came here to read about suffering, I don’t have much to offer. To the sadists out there, I’m sorry, but I’m getting better.
Does anybody realize how many Real Housewives gifs come up when you search for “sarcastic sorry”? Like honestly. I had to give up. I like the one I found instead better anyways.
So… okay, there was a little bit of suffering. And to the normal person, perhaps a great deal of suffering. I had my fair share of malaise, body aches, joint pains, fevers, nausea, oh and I totally forgot, this was apparently the cycle of THE WORST INSOMNIA TO EVER AFFLICT MAN. Wow, there I go lying again. I had worse insomnia on other cycles. Maybe I have just gotten used to sleeping better again. This post is turning in to a complete mess. Regardless, the insomnia was bad and if I did sleep, it was only for my toxic brain to put on a show for me of the most disturbing and bizarre dreams I’d had in a long time. I won’t even get in to it. Also notable this cycle… depression. I’d never had it so heavy and so soul-nagging than during this cycle. As my doctor says, “we are peeling back the layers… just peeling back the layers…” and apparently this cycle hit a layer that I have decided to name “Brain-Behaving-Badly”. There was also a night or two where as usual, I couldn’t walk straight and I did knock over a lot of things with my fumble hands. Other than that, this cycle wasn’t bad at all. It was a walk in the park.
I took my last handful of pills Thursday night and began my detox processes. This time I was well enough to actually do things while detoxing instead of laying on the couch like a beached (skinny) whale waiting for the life to come back to me enough to walk to the bathroom on my own without directions or using the wall as support. Friday I was out running errands. Saturday I painted the office and ran several hours worth of even more errands. I even cheated on my doctor-ordered Lyme diet and appreciated a night of fine dining at In-N-Out Burger. Is this real life?
While completing the IV treatment cycles part of my journey, I would detox using bags of Lactated Ringers (like saline hydration but with better stuff in them) and literally pour it all through my line, drip set to full blast, to basically purge my tissues and uproot toxins. As uncomfortable as it was, it worked wonders. Without my PICC line, I now have to resort to conventional methods. I’ve taken up making a pitcher of Tara’s special detox juice (recipe changes every day, don’t bother asking for something specific) and I make myself finish the pitcher by dinner. In general I throw any and everything in there… teas, herbs, chlorophyll, peppermint, juiced vegetables, blah blah more good stuff that tastes so-so. I feel like it helps a lot… if nothing else than to make me drink a lot of fluids. Some days it’s even pretty. See?
Anyways, yeah, I feel much better now that the Cycle 14 slaughter has begun to clear from my system. Sleep? Through the night! Dreams? No! Depression? Lifted like a fog rolling out of the San Francisco Bay on Saturday morning! Nausea? Nope! Joint Pain? Decreased! Body aches?! Decreased! Energy? Rebounding like crazy!!! Okay I’m getting a little out of hand. I have lots of new energy, yes… but I am probably ignoring half my fatigue out of excitement for my increasing wellness. It happens, eh?
I feel like I’ve finally gotten to a point where, after an entire year, I begin to experience enough progress each med vacation that I am actually starting to look forward to the next Cycle. Is that weird? I can be weird. Maybe it’s not weird. I’m just so happy to be getting better. I can’t even adjust yet to not having a PICC line. It’s like wellness is happening faster than I can mentally and emotionally comprehend it. I swallowed water down the wrong pipe today and naturally started violently coughing. Immediately I’m thinking “No! I have to stop this I’m going to displace my PICC!” Oh, right, I don’t have one anymore. Or “AGHH, I almost got my arm wet in that epsom salt bath!” Oh…. derr Tara, you don’t have to keep that arm dry anymore. And I almost didn’t know what to do with myself running so many errands yesterday. Should I be doing this? Can I actually enter society? I had forgotten what it was like.
I feel like a child again. And I will leave on that note.